EPIPHANY 4C 2010

Today is our last in our series on Preparing to Die… and I am sure that many of you are happy to not hear about death and dying for a while. In a real sense, what we have been trying to do is some Pastoral counseling from the pulpit. Our prayer book has this instruction to the clergy.

The Minister of the Congregation is directed to instruct the people, from time to time, about the duty of Christian parents to make prudent provision for the well being of their families, and of all persons to make wills, while they are in health, arranging for the disposal of their temporal goods, not neglecting, if they are able, to leave bequests for religious and charitable uses.

So this is what we have been attempting to do in this series. Notice in this exhortation the words.. instruct… provide provision for the well being of their families… wills… and leave bequests, for religious and charitable uses. This morning I want to cover some of the practical issues that arise when we attempt to take care of our families and others through planning.

We just read that very familiar passage from 1 Corinthians defining what God’s love looks like. It is a tremendous passage that should be read and studied by everyone, often. In it we see that love is less of a feeling and more of how we act and think about others. This passage is very often read during the marriage service. And in a real sense, it is this attitude of love that we are suggesting is involved in our preparations for dying.

As I said last week, it is my firm belief that if we are able to face our own death with some serious reflection, we then will our lives healthier and freer. We will then be striving to live our lives with eternity in view. We will realize that this life is not all that there is. There is something after this very brief existence on this very small planet we call earth. As the passage in 1 Corinthian teaches us, we can do all sorts of good things in this life. We can have fun and be successful and even be very religious, but what is really important is faith, and hope, and above all, love. If we have faith that really believes that Jesus rose from the dead.. and that God really exists… and that what we do in this life matters because Jesus is alive.. and that the teachings of Jesus and of our faith just might be true.. and that one day this existence will be over… then we look at this life a little differently. Our values and our hopes and our dreams become a little different than simply being happy and successful in this world.

So, while I know that some of you are tired of talking about death, I believe, in reality, what we are talking about is better living, because we are not in denial about a very important fact of our lives, and that is that this existence is soon ending for EVERYONE OF US… not just some…BUT EVERYONE OF US!

Now I am going to ramble a bit about some issues that we ought to face in our preparations for death.

The first death I ever faced as a priest was a man who had some health issues.. I can’t remember what they were.. but he was on a ventilator in the hospital.. basically dead… and the Doctors were asking the wife if she would consent to having him taken off the ventilator. I remember her struggle, as he had no life insurance and the medical insurance was not covering the huge day to day cost of ICU. She wondered if she made the decision to take him off, she was doing it to save money. It was not an easy time for her. And since that time I have seen families face the sudden death of a father or husband and the family have little or no money to face the future. I believe that some basic life insurance, whether if be term or some sort of other type, is important for parents to have. When you are young, and the kids are young, you can get term insurance fairly cheap. You can change things when the kids are out of the house, but it is good to ask the question, what would happen if Dad, or Mom, was gone? How would we get by financially?

A related issue is, of course, that of wills and trust. Every family with children should have a will or trust. This is just common sense, especially if the children are young. One of the great gifts that my father, and my father in law gave to Kathy and I is that they both had a trust. What happens after their death was clearly spelled out. It makes the whole process of dealing with the loss of one you love so much easier. Imagine, in some family systems, a death where there is no will or even any talking about finances or insurance or any direction on what is to happen with the physical assets. It can be very trying and adds a tremendous amount of pressure on those left behind. Is there any insurance? Where are the bank accounts? Is there any investments, and where are they? Who gets the family heir looms? And on and on.

If these things are set out before hand, it is so much easier, and is a great gift, for the family.

I have also dealt with families who have been torn apart after the last parent dies as the kids fight over what is left. While each situation is different, the more specific a will or trust is, the easier it is. With wills and trusts, one needs to see a lawyer, but if cost is an issue, very simple wills can be created.

One last thought on wills and trusts. I would like to encourage you to think about putting the church, or some other Christian social service organization in your will. Through this means we are able to continue our giving well after our death. One way to do this is to give a % of our estate away, or a particular amount. Kathy and I have done this, and we are happy to do this. It is a great way to help the church continue its ministry down through the years.

Now let me switch gears a little. Right now, a very large percentage of people around my age are dealing with aging parents. Some of you listening to this now are really the “aging parents”.. and you are going to come up to me after this sermon and say something to me, I am pretty sure!

I had a wonderful, very astute, very wise, successful father in law. He was a farmer, as was his dad – Grandpa… as is now his son, Kathy’s brother, John. As Johnny was working his way into taking over the farming, one day Kathy’s dad went to his son and said this: “If I ever start acting like Grandpa, will you please tell me.” So, years later, Johnny sat his Dad down in the office and said: “Dad, do you remember when you told me to tell you if you ever started acting like Grandpa… well, you are..”

What I learn from this, and what I have seen over the years, is that as we age, it can be very difficult to face how much and how far we have declined in both our mental and physical realms. Our minds still think like we are young, and yet the truth is, we are not. I know this is not an easy area to address, because we are all either there, or will be there, but over and over again children are having to deal with mom or dad who shouldn’t be driving because they are a danger on the road; or mom or dad are losing their memory and having a hard time knowing where they are; or they insist on living in their home even when they cannot take care of themselves, and more.

These situations are so very hard because parents are always parents and the kids always see themselves as the kids. One of the hardest times in my life was when my Dad was facing stroke after stroke and I had to look after him, because, Dad’s are supposed to take care of kids.. But now, I was having to take care of him… and neither of us liked it.

All I can say to people my age, and older is, trying to be aware of our declining abilities, and maybe adjusting our life style can make it much easier on our children. Looking into communities where we can live and still have some freedom and security might not be a bad idea while we are younger and have the ability and strength to make living changes.

There are no easy answers for either parents are children as we age. Modern medicine has made it possible for us to live much longer lives, and this has created new and challenging issues. I remember visiting a lady in Pioneer House, a retirement community. She lived in the area where she had her own room, but on the top floor was the skilled nursing facility. And this lady, in her 70’s, said, as I was visiting her, I am going upstairs to see Mom. Her mom was in the same facility as here, only upstairs!.

So my encouragement to all of us who are aging, is to try and be as realistic and prudent as we can about our future before we come to the place where our thinking might not be as clear as we would like it to be.

Now, one last thought as we close this series. One decision that needs to be made after we have died is what we want done with our body. Of course the two options are burial or cremation. Today, in this county, almost 90% of the people are cremated. In my ministry, it is becoming rarer and rarer to have a full casket burial.

In years past, it was very common to have a cemetery surrounding the local church. When I went to Scotland a few years ago, I visited a falling down church that had, in the cemetery around it, my direct descendants. It was very cool to visit their graces, from the 1700’s. For years, I have had a vision that one day, here on this property, we would have a columbarium, which is a place were cremated remains are put, and a chapel. We have planned for years for this, the only slight problem is that we don’t have any money to build the chapel. But a small team of us have been working on building the first part of this vision, and that is to build the columbarium first outside where the chapel will be one day. This is revising the ancient church practice of Christians being buried around on the church property. In a few months we will be sharing the details about this project, but I wanted to mention it this morning as it ties into this series. We are going to pre sell niches with the hope that within a year or two we will then have enough money to build the entire columbarium. When it is built, we will then have the choice of being interred on this property. I am excited about this project.

But whether we would like to be cremated or buried, and where we would like this to happen, it is important to share this with our spouse and our children, so that the decision on what to do is easier on the family. It is also important to share with the family any wishes you have for a funeral.. any hymns, you don’t want your brother in law to say anything, etc. It is a gift we can give to our families.

Let me now wrap up this series on preparing for death. The reason we Christian’s can face our death is because of Easter. Jesus came into this world to save us from death, the penalty for sin. Our faith is centered in the Easter hope that just as Christ was raised form the dead, we do will be raised. We believe the words that Jesus said when he said that he is the resurrection and the life, and that those who live and believe in him, even though they die, will yet live. We believe that Easter took away the sting of death. We believe that Jesus overcame the last enemy, and that is death. Because of what Jesus has done, we need not fear death anymore. We can live our lives, knowing that no matter what we have to face in this life, nothing can separate us from the love of God. This is why we can openly talk about death with our family.. this is why we can be prudent and prepare in practical ways for our death… and this is why we can be honest with ourselves as we face our own personal journey through death

AMEN!